coming to the crossroads

44 Days of Witchery  :: #1
I've wanted to do this one for a while but never seem to get it together. Maybe this will help keep this blog alive even though I'm the only one who reads it!



What’s your witchy background?
I grew up sort-of Christian, but always believed in magic and fairies. I used to put milk out by the raspberry canes at night, and play under the canopy of wild grapevines and lilac bushes. I had an oak tree that was my special friend (my only “imaginary friend”), and when the library cut it down, I was heartbroken. I especially loved ghosts, cemeteries and ghost stories, loved to scare myself shit-less in the middle of the night! It wasn't until I hit puberty that I began to sense the ghosts. But that's a tale for another time.

When I was thirteen I read—get ready for it—Mists of Avalon. Next I read The White Raven by Diana L. Paxson. “All gods are One God, All Goddesses are One” was something I could live with. It helped me from talking back in church if I would just repeat this to myself when the rhetoric (esp about keeping women quiet and submissive) became too hard to stomach.

The only other book that made a big impression on me was The King Must Die by Mary Renault. It's about being chosen by a god, and it's about Fate. It's also about Theseus and the Labyrinth--if you get a chance, you should read it because it's amazingly good.


I went to college, where I befriended some Wiccans. Only one is still practicing that I know of, and I only know because she's still a good friend of mine. For me, it's been almost four years(half the time I've been in Alaska!). Now that I think about it, it began when we moved into a house at the crossroads. We are in the western quadrant. To the east is an unmarked lane with three cabins on it, to the north and south meanders the dirt road, twisting and turning through the birch, willow and black spruce.

I was pregnant. I was feeling like an earth goddess mama. I read Margot Adler and Merlin Stone. I reread The King Must Die. After reading some Wiccan 101 books, I finally felt comfortable enough to practice—whew! All those ritual tools! All the ceremonial magic stuff! It's enough to make your head spin! I never did a formal dedication to the gods, I decided I'd rather skip right ahead to being a magician (but setting up everything...waiting for the right planets/right time...couldn't do skyclad because of bugs...the annoying rule of three...totally exhausting. No wonder so many people give it up!).

Anyway—long story short, I felt like something was missing. I stopped practicing. I did some research, I had a dream about the old gods of Russia. The Lord of the Underworld, the Bone Mother, Moist Mother Earth and the firebird were there. K. told me that he was amused and pleased that I had been looking for them--he called me by my secret name. He also said that I was "allowed" to call upon other gods (for the record, I'm not Russian, I'm Slavic/Polish and English). Well...that was pretty decent of him, considering. The others did not speak. The Bone Mother's face was in shadow, and I only felt the MME's presence. After the dream, I wrote it down, but still did not practice (I had been invoking MME prior to this).


Instead, I concentrated on the land. How it felt when the seasons changed. I have some pictures of “the way the light feels”, but you can't really sense it from a picture. There's a point when you just “know” that the season has turned. It's seven days past the equinox as I write this, but the domino has yet to fall. When it happens, it happens, and I can't explain it. I can't explain how the light feels falling through the spruce. It's breathless, expectant, waiting.

Then I read a book about traditional witchcraft...yup. That night, I dreamed about the crossroads. To dream of the crossroads means “you will make an important decision that will affect the rest of your life”.

“Certainly it is clear that the crossroads and its related symbolism had been considered as a place where mysterious beings can be met, and where life and death, microcosm and macrocosm merge into one another. ” (“The Enchanted Crossroads” to read the article, go to: http://www.whitedragon.org.uk/articles/crossroad.htm )





Where am I now? I've stepped upon a new path, twisting and turning, meandering through the shadows and the light. Where am I going? I don't know yet, I'll know when I get there. The lesson is in the journey, not the destination.